Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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