I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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