I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
