Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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