Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Bring me that man meat
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think we might need a safe word for this...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
