i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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