I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
