my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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