OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
