So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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