Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Terrible idea I love it
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize