whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
