I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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