it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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