Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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