i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
