Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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