Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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