I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
