You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
