Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
