how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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