Christians are straight up FREAKS
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
