My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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