I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
