I'm going to jail i love you
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
