you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
3 2 1 whiskey
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
