No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize