i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
