he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
