ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
