I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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