it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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