Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
