Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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