the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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