my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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