I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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