I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize