the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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