At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
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Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
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I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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