u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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