Banned from zoo.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.