in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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