dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
