lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
