mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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