my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
