Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
