no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
