It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
