the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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