I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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