No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
