My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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