I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
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