His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
