oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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