Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
