I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
