There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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