hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
